Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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