dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
