maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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