Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
