Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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