No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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