our cab driver is having phone sex.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
