Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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