At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
