I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
