i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
