I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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