My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
