I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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