I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
