You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
