I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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