I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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