i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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