You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
