Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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