the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
