please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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