Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
