I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
