You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
P.S. I can't hear my feet
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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