Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sext me about skeletons
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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