I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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