I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
