You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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