please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
