I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
