if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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