Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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