i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
