I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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