My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
