he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
