I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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