I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
