you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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