Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
