i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
