You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
