Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
