I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
