so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
