I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
