I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
