May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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