I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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