I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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