My first STD was from a foam party
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
