Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
