We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So I just went to clothing optional bar
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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